13 Underrated Qualities to Look for in a Spouse

There are certain important qualities we're taught to look for in our romantic partners: Are they honest? Are they strong communicators? Are they good at handling money? And the list goes on.

Though qualities like honesty, sensitivity, calmness, etc. are a must-have, they are not the only ones that make up the personality of a perfect partner. These things matter more than you might think.


Here is a list of 13 underrated qualities to look for in a spouse:

1. They don't always need to win

Married couples are supposed to be partners, not competitors. However, in the case of many couples, they are each other's competitors. They want to always win, no matter what the situation is. They just want to prove the other person wrong. However, they should compete against the world, but not with each other.

2. They are a quick learner

One of the most underrated qualities in a partner is someone who is able to learn and adapt relatively quickly. For example, recognizing that you need alone time when you get home from work and giving you that space. And of course, you should take their needs and preferences just as seriously.


3. They don't freak out during a traffic jam

You know those people who honk, zig-zag across lanes, or make nasty gestures? Ever wonder how they act at home? How we behave under pressure says a lot about whether we keep our cool or lose it when life gets hard in general. Patience and an ability to tolerate disappointment and frustration go a long way when dealing with relationship challenges.

4. They have the courage to be vulnerable

Being vulnerable is scary, even when you are in a committed relationship. At the heart of truly fulfilling relationships is the ability to be open and vulnerable with yourself and your partner. People learn to trust each other when they are courageous enough to share their own vulnerabilities with their partners.

5. They are willing to communicate

Look for partners who understand the importance of communication and are willing to engage. It's hard to be with people who shy away from direct communication or struggle to express their honest emotions. Also, while we all have our challenges when it comes to communication, the willingness to try is what's most important.


6. They're comfortable talking about sex

Many people pay a lot of attention to what their sexual compatibility is like at the beginning of a relationship, but that's just not a good long-term gauge. Every couple is going to have issues in the bedroom at one point or another. What's most important is to have a partner that's willing to talk about your sex life openly and honestly, and work on it together as a team. It's OK to be embarrassed or shy; being willing to try is what counts.

7. They make you laugh

Laughter is one of the best ways to connect with someone. We love laughing at the same things and cracking inside jokes with each other. Thus, never underestimate the value of having a partner who can make you laugh throughout all of life's ups and downs.

8. They are committed to their own personal growth

A growing and changing relationship requires partners who are willing to take a good look at themselves and see how they became the person they are and make changes if necessary. However, if one person is unwilling to adapt to that growth, you might have a problem.


9. They fight fair.

Even if you're in the honeymoon stage now, eventually you're going to argue. Observe whether he or she listens to you, cares about your opinion, avoids extremely hurtful tactics like name-calling or intimidating, is able to see things from your perspective from time to time and is able to apologize or offer an olive branch when it's appropriate.

10. They are willing to seek help when relationship problems arise

All long-term relationships go through ups and downs, and many times you feel like giving up. This is very natural. But how a person responds to these trying times will tell you whether they are someone you can count on through thick or thin, or who will bail when things get rough.

11. They take care of their physical and mental health.

Questionable dietary and exercise habits may be endearing at first, but could become an obstacle later on. Self-care habits related to food, exercise, and stress management may compound over time and become a major source of relational stress. If your partner has more difficulty functioning in the future, you'll probably be called upon to help, and are you ready and willing to meet that need?


12. They tell the cashier if they get too much change back

Same goes for telling the waiter something was left off of the bill. Behaviors like these reveal not only honesty, but an absence of entitlement to get something for nothing. In a long-term relationship, being stingy or looking out for yourself at the expense of another is a formula for trouble.

13. They're willing to seek help when relationship problems arise

All long-term relationships go through valleys, times where you feel like giving up, running away or shutting down. That's predictable! But how a person responds to these trying times will tell you whether he or she is someone you can count on through thick or thin, or who will bail when the going gets rough.