Art by Inna Cruz

When I was still in high school, I would see my seniors' social media posts as they went to their dream courses (for some, dream universities) and see them joyful — even if they were under academic stress and pressure. I have always sworn that I, too, would live my college life to the fullest.

College came and I thought to myself, "this is it!" I took responsibilities in organizations, got a scholarship and, of course, had new relationships — friends eventually turned into family. But, as we went through our first months of being in college, we didn't think that it would be cut-off easily by the pandemic. We thought that it would only be a week-long suspension, but it all boiled down to, as our University said, an "enriched virtual mode" of learning AKA draining Zoom (and Google Meet) classes.

Days and months passed after being under lockdowns and quarantines,  I felt lost. From being someone with a big ball of energy, I turned into someone I didn't recognize. I was burned out and anxious. Behind all my smiles and confidence in countless Zoom calls are my nightly panic attacks and breakdowns, wondering when we will go "back to normal." To be honest, I may be a junior in college right now but it feels like a part of me is still in my freshman year. It's as if there was no proper closure. 

As the pandemic flipped our lives around, my dreams turned into wishful thinking. If I had known back then that it would be my last week in UST, I would've spent my allowance on learning how to play billiards like a badass in Navarra Street. I would have also bumped into a cute, tall, chinito guy on the Benavides Plaza and tell that story to my grandchildren in the future. Maybe, I would've been with my friends in a cafe, rushing through gazillions of readings and assessments that our professors gave the day before, and then partying the hell out after the Prelims and/or Finals week. Countless possibilities — now all gone.

I may not exactly be living the dream college life like how I wanted to be, but I know, one day, España will always welcome me with its traffic noises and people rushing through their everyday routine. It might not happen in months, or maybe, in years, but I know I will be coming home to the campus that I fell in love with. In my heart, I know that the chance of having face-to-face classes is not yet feasible any time soon, but thanks to my blockmates (3JRN2, especially to my BB Kalat and Autobots) for making it bearable. In time, I hope that these thank yous would not only be felt through the screen but through physical gestures and, maybe, hanging out in a real space where we can talk comfortably without barriers, shields, and masks on. 

I wish that, in a few months time, "Let's call it a day and see you all tomorrow," would be a normal phrase I'd hear again from my professors.

P.S.

Thanks, too, to my organizations, Journalism Society and Kilos Ko Youth (Yes, I am looking at you, EB Aguyod and EB Chismosas!), for making me understand what serving the people means and, of course, to Edukasyon.ph (especially to my editors for this article!) for giving me the opportunity to contribute across all platforms.