For the past few weeks, I have been attending church and one of last Sunday's prayers really touched my oh-so fragile heart. It mentioned a prayer for those who keep taking a step forward, putting all their effort to put their foot in front, one after the other. In a snap, my tears rushed down my cheeks like the rush of water on a river stream, my breathing became fast and heavy. I was ready to breakdown. I got emotional because that prayer really hit me. In my head, I kept saying "THAT'S ME, THAT IS ME!". All these days when I look like I have everything together, that is because I keep taking a step forward.
A step towards healing
My 2024 journey is all about healing all the parts of me that experienced loss, trauma, failure, and fear. Until this day, my sister's loss still feels heavy. Some days, mostly on slow mornings on my days off, that is when I grieve and cry. I miss talking to her and sharing random things to her. It just hits me so hard that she is no longer physically around. I realised that since her passing, I have been looking more at the sky, probably because I know that she is somewhere up there looking over me and my family. That simple thought gives me comfort and peace, a step towards healing.
A step towards wellness and well-being
Ever since the pandemic, my health has gone downhill due to stress and unhealthy habits. I tried to embrace looking a bit heavier than usual but what was worse was I felt how my health was degrading. I had an auto-immune disease scare as well as terrible headaches, had to do MRI and blood tests. Thankfully, everything came back clear.
First month of April, I signed up with an online coach to fully guide me on this wellness journey. The goal I set was to be able to ski properly this upcoming winter season. Last year, I struggled so much while skiing because I was heavy and out of health in general. One month in and I can already see the progress and the improvement of my well-being! Improved mood, better routine, mindful eating, gaining strength, happier spirits, more physical activities, taking steps forward to wellness and wellbeing.
A step towards self-discovery
For years, I realised that my personality has been sort-of "modified" and "toned-down" to accomodate others. I have not developed and recognised my true self. To fully know myself, I have journeyed into meditation, prayer, journaling, writing down questions, seeking answers and talking to loved ones and friends. I have since then started to really define who I am, on my own, single, solo. I have discovered that I am introverted yet become extroverted when with the right people. I am that multi-purpose friend who will say yes 99% of the time for brunch, a walk, trip to the mall, hike, watch a movie, food trip, camp, anything that I can manage and squeeze in my busy schedule. I realised that I am the type of person who doesn't like saying no especially when opportunities knock at my doorstep. I enjoy giving my time and making memories with people that matter to me. I don't say yes only because I am free. I say yes because I treasure my circle of love and support. I have friends and colleagues describe me in words that I have not realised myself, yet after they said what they said, it made me say "Oh yes, that is me". Now I am starting to truly be able to define my character, recognise things and situations I can accept and what I can tolerate, strengthen my core values, removing myself to anything that hinders my growth. Surely I haven't figured myself 100%. It's a life-long journey of taking steps forward to self-discovery.
A step closer to God
Recently I have started reading the bible and journaling about scriptures. I realised that I didn't really know God, or maybe I did when I was younger. However, as life went on, I feel like I have forgotten His true essence in my life. Since I started Bible reading, I feel more at peace about my life and the plans God has for me. A lot of my fears and doubts have gone because I feel His presence more and more each day. For the last 2 years, I have been aiming to read the Bible and take that step to be closer to God and it finally happened. He is the reason why I have the strength to march on, His guidance made me take that one step forward, and bring the other foot next, and the next, and the next.
Baby steps or massive leaps, with a speed of a turtle or a hare, forward is forward. Every time we wake up to a brand new day and making life changes for character development, peace, love, happiness, contentment, growth and improvement in all ways is a step forward, SO KEEP MARCHING ON. NEVER GIVE UP.
-Jeck
30.04.24
21:23
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